Category Archives: JUDICIAL PHILOSOPHY, RESOURCES & SAFETY

Judge Advises Defendant “You Have a Constitutional Right to be a Dumb-Ass.” Welcome to the Funniest and Filthiest Court Transcript of all time. The Following is an Excellent Example of a Judge Doing Almost Everything Wrong When Dealing with a Disruptive Defendant. (16-05)

Thank God this happened in Georgia and not Minnesota.

Although I have a great deal of empathy for judges that have to deal with disruptive defendants, the following exchange between Judge and defendant is a glaring example of what can happen when a judge fails to maintain a sense of order and integrity in his/her courtroom.  The end result is a ridiculous courtroom incident creating the perception of a judicial system with “out of control” courtrooms, run by “out of control” judges incapable of dealing with “out of control” defendants in a professional manner.   

As you read and/or listen to the following outrageous courtroom exchange, ask yourself this question:

In order to maintain control in the courtroom and a sense of judicial dignity, at what  point in the following exchange should the judge have STOPPED engaging the defendant, entered a finding of contempt and immediately ordered removal of defendant from the courtroom? First, a little background:

On June 20, 20126, alleged murderer Denver Allen and the Honorable Judge Bryant Durham decided to act out a more profane version of that scene between Principal Vernon and John Bender from one of my all time favorite movies, “The Breakfast Club” in a Georgia Courtroom.

Defendant Allen, accused of committing a deadly jailhouse assault last year, appeared in court seeking to represent himself, claiming his public defender said he would only do “a good job” if he was allowed to give Defendant Allen oral sex. Judge Durham advised him against it. Things quickly went downhill from there. 

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The prospect of spending significant time in contempt of court didn’t deter Defendant Allen from demanding that the judge suck his “donkey” dick. They say that the most dangerous man is one with nothing less to lose. Allen is already going on trial for killing a man, what’s contempt of court on top of a lengthy prison sentence?

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According to the official court transcript what followed was a lengthy exchange in which Allen bragged about his “big old donkey dick” and his fondness for “white boys with big butts” while repeatedly commanding Judge Durham to suck said donkey dick.

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In return, an alternately smiling and red-faced Judge Durham said Allen “looked like a queer” and speculated that “everybody [must enjoy] sucking your cock” but insisted his mouth was likely too small to accommodate the suspected killer’s penis.

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During one particularly surreal moment, Defendant Allen asked the court reporter if she was getting everything down after Judge Durham repeatedly dares Defendant Allen to jerk off right in the courtroom.

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At this point, the Judge decides to tell defendant Allen that he has a “constitutional right to be a dumb-ass,” and that’s when  Allen goes even further to the dark side and threatens to kill the judge, his whole family, and chop his children into bits.dumbass

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THE TRANSCRIPT: While painfully homophobic at times and incredibly vulgar throughout, a complete reading of the entire 19 page comedy routine deserves a read. Check it out here.

THE COMIC-CON ANIMATED VIDEO: The above exchange between Judge Durham and Defendant Allen went viral and became an instant internet sensation. Judge Durham was nicknamed “Judge Fuckman Ass”, and Defendant Allen became “Donkey Dick Defendant”.  What happened in court was so wildly unbelievable and yet somehow completely true, that the creator of the popular Adult Swim show “Rick & Morty” animated and voiced the entire transcript in character as Rick and Morty. The whole thing was premiered last month at the 2016 San Diego Comic-Con and received raving reviews. Click Here to watch the video clip. 

JUDICIAL TRAINING: Although I’m sure Judge Durham is mortified at his new-found internet fame, the inescapable fact is that all judges, at some point in their judicial career, will face a defendant hell-bent on making a mockery of the proceedings. The only difference is the manner in which the presiding judge chooses to respond. My hope is that this blog post will serve as a training springboard and catalyst for judicial discussions on how to best answer the question that was asked at the beginnng of this post: 

In order to maintain control in the courtroom and a sense of judicial dignity, at what  point in the above exchange should the judge have STOPPED engaging the defendant, entered a finding of contempt and immediately ordered removal of defendant from the courtroom? 

NOTE: By all accounts, other than this unfortunate incident, Judge Durham had a reputation as a well liked and respected jurist. In other words, if something like this can happened to a Judge Durham, then on any given bad day it could perhaps happen to you.

Alan F. Pendleton (Former District Court Judge)

alan.pendleton@mnlegalupdates.com

 

The Five Most Common Regrets That People Have at The End of Their Lives (15-19)

END OF LIFE REGRETS: No matter who you are or what you do, at the time of your impending death, you will look back on your life with a much different perspective than you have now. Only by then it might be too late to do anything about it.

Ask yourself these questions now, while you still have a chance to change:

  1. If you had a crystal ball to see what you would regret as you were dying, would you make changes now?
  2. Do you ever imagine what thoughts might go thru your mind during the final years, months, and days of your life?

This training update answers those questions by summarizing the five most common regrets that people have at the end of their lives.

PENDLETON UPDATE 15-19

WARNING SIGNS FOR JUDGES & ATTORNEYS – Ten Habits of Chronically Unhappy People (15-17)

Unhappy.people

WE ALL WORK IN A HYPER-COMPETITIVE, STRESS FILLED ENVIRONMENT: The practice of law can be demanding and exceedingly stressful. Put an ordinary individual (which includes even the most well balanced and well-adjusted judge or lawyer) in a hyper-competitive, stress filled, emotional, high stakes environment such as the law, and you have the formula for a psychological crisis. According to an often-cited Johns Hopkins University study of more than 100 occupations, researchers found that lawyers lead the nation with the highest incidence of depression and unhappiness.

TEN (10) TRAITS & HABITS EVERY JUDGE & ATTORNEY SHOULD LOOK OUT FOR:   Although there are many legal professionals that are truly happy, most of us bounce back and forth between happiness and unhappiness depending on the day. According to Psychology Today, there are ten traits and habits that chronically unhappy people have mastered. However, it is important to remember, we all have bad days, even weeks when we fall down in all ten areas. The difference between a happy and unhappy life is how often and how long we stay there. This Training Update outlines the ten traits and habits to guard against.

TO THE READ THE FULL UPDATE CLICK ON THE FOLLOWING LINK:

PendletonUpdate 15-17

 

JUDICIAL & LEGAL WRITING: The Number One Rule for Improving = CUTTING (15-14) (Replaced by 20-02)

Thomas Jefferson VerbosityThere is a myriad of publications and articles dedicated to the improvement of legal writing. Unfortunately, in many of these materials, you need an English degree to understand anything past the first paragraph. There is, however, a simple way to dramatically improve any style of legal writing that has nothing to do with dangling participles or misuse of pronouns, etc.  

“Cutting” down your writing is the key to making it better. Cutting does not require any particular knowledge of grammar or writing style.  This training update covers three basic steps that every judge and attorney should learn to follow.

TO READ THE FULL TRAINING UPDATE CLICK ON THE FOLLOWING LINK:

PendletonUpdate15-14 (replaced by 20-02)

JUDICIAL DECISION-MAKING: Dangers of “Implicit Bias” & “Decision Fatigue” (15-12) (Revised by 20-03)

decision.fatigueTHE PROBLEM:  In a perfect world judges make decisions by applying legal analysis to the facts of a case in a rational, fair and deliberate manner. But in the real world, we know that judges, despite their best efforts, are often subject to the same foibles, biases and imperfections that affect everything humans do. We would love to believe that a judge’s rulings are solely based on rational decisions and written laws. In reality, they can be influenced by a variety of non-relevant factors that may be so subtle that they go mostly unnoticed by attorneys, the parties and most importantly, judges themselves. In order to keep this update short and concise, these non-relevant factors are broken down into two main categories:
1) IMPLICIT BIAS; and 2) DECISION FATIGUE.

TO READ THE FULL TRAINING UPDATE CLICK ON LINK BELOW:

PendletonUpdate15-12

TOP TEN LIST – FUNNY JUDICIAL QUOTES: Judges can be funny too, sometimes (15-08)

FUNNY JUDICIAL QUOTES: In honor of this being thfunnyjudgee 100th Judicial Training Update issued since 2010 I offer a bit of uncharacteristic judicial humor. If anyone has ever questioned whether judges too have a sense of humor, you need look no further than this top 10 list of the funniest judicial quotes found in the legal blogosphere.

PendletonUpdate15-08

 

COURT-RELATED VIOLENCE; 15 FACTS EVERY JUDGE (and attorney) SHOULD KNOW (14-17)

wellerAttempted Murder of a Judge: The facts in this update come from an amazing story. Eight years ago a sniper shot Judge Chuck Weller (a family court judge in Reno, Nevada) just above the heart as he was standing in his courthouse chambers. The shooter was an estranged husband embroiled in a contested divorce and child custody action. The shot was fired from the roof of a parking garage 200 yards from the courthouse. Earlier that day, the husband stabbed his wife to death during an exchange of their nine-year old daughter. Following his recovery, Judge Weller entered into an advanced degree program and wrote a doctoral dissertation on courthouse violence. This training update summarizes 15 key facts uncovered from Judge Weller’s exhaustive research into this troubling area. One of the most interesting findings is the correlation between courthouse violence and domestic violence (see finding #6 on page two). These are facts that every judge, attorney and the general public should know.

CLICK ON LINK BELOW TO READ MORE

PendletonUpdate14-17

 

NEW JUDGE ADVICE – RELY ON AND LEARN FROM YOUR IN-COURT CLERKS (14-14)

NEWLY APPOINTED JUDGES – WHY THE RISK OF MISTAKES ARE HIGH: Judges have an incredibly difficult job. Most judges were appointed to the bench, in part, based on their training, experience and expertise in usually one or two areas of the law. Many judges come from a prosecution or criminal defense background with no significant civil experience. Many judges with a strong civil background have little or no criminal experience. And a large number of judges come onto the bench with no prior family law experience. And even those judges with a particularly broad background, few can boast of experience in areas such as: conciliation court, civil commitments, juvenile, probate, child support contempt and unlawful detainers, etc. This update answers the question why new judges should rely on and learn from their in-court clerks.

CLICK ON LINK BELOW TO READ MORE

PendletonUpdate14-14

HANDLING YOUR FIRST ELECTRONIC (paperless) CALENDAR – 10 SIMPLE STEPS TO FOLLOW (14-06)

HISTORICAL TRANSFORMATION: The Minnesota Judiciary is in the midst of one of the most innovative transitions in the history of the state court system. We are well on the way to becoming one of the first state court systems in the country to successfully transition from a paper file courtroom environment to an electronic (paperless) courtroom environment.

MAKING THE TRANSITION: Many judges have already successfully made the transition, but many others (myself included) are still in the early stages of the transition. Personally, this has been a challenging change to make. As I have worked through this process I found the attached 10-step checklist helpful. The purpose for this update is to share this 10-step checklist with other judges that (like me) are trying to manage the transition to an electronic courtroom environment.

CLICK ON LINK BELOW TO READ MORE

Pendleton Update 14-6

 

“JUDICIAL LANDMINES” 20 COMMON MISTAKES EVERY JUDGE SHOULD AVOID (13-15)

WHAT IS A JUDICIAL LANDMINE? Judicial Landmines are common judicial mistakes or oversights that create a high likelihood of triggering an appeal. These judicial oversights tend to reoccur with every new generation of judges. Most of these mistakes occur as a result of judicial omission or failing to make a proper record. The following is a summary list of the 20 most common reoccurring Judicial Landmines.

CLICK LINK BELOW TO READ MORE

Pendleton Update 13-15